


But the World Keeps Spinning

by 7_Magpies



Series: Shyan Song Fics [10]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Based on a Music Video, Blood, But Just For A Little Bit, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Living Together, M/M, Past Abuse, References to Depression, Song: High Hopes (Kodaline), Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt, i promise it's a lot softer than the tags make it seem, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:07:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26353168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7_Magpies/pseuds/7_Magpies
Summary: The last thing Shane expected was to look up and seeing a man in a tuxedo running towards him, chased by a small group of men. He didn't have any plans for the rest of the day, though.-----Alternate Universe based on the music video for "High Hopes" by Kodaline - specific trigger warnings in notesThis is a one shot and unrelated to other works in this series
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, past Ryan Bergara/Original Male Character
Series: Shyan Song Fics [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857880
Comments: 7
Kudos: 78





	But the World Keeps Spinning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends, if you haven't seen the music video for "High Hopes," I would recommend waiting until after reading this fic to watch it to avoid spoilers. Fair warning, that video is an emotional roller coaster. 
> 
> Check end notes for some slight spoilers if you're anxious about the tags

Shane had to admit, the last thing he anticipated was to look out the window of his car and see a man in a tuxedo running across the field he was parked in. He watched the man grow closer, and eventually saw that there was a group of people, also well dressed, chasing after him. 

The closer he was, the easier it was for Shane to see the terror on his face. He paused once he reached Shane, breathless from running. Shane stepped out of the car. “What’s going on?”

“Help me?” the man panted. 

Shane made a decision. He didn’t have plans for the rest of the day, anyways. 

He went to the tailpipe and pulled out the end of the hose and then got in the driver’s seat. The man in the tuxedo climbed in the passenger seat, and Shane took off, leaving the group of well-dressed people screaming obscenities behind them.

They drove in silence for a moment, the man in the tux was sitting almost limp in the passenger seat, seeming as though he was relaxed for the first time in a long time. Shane pulled a flask out from his coat and passed it to the man. “Need a sip?”

“Thanks.” He turned up the flask and drank a large portion of it in one go.

Shane chuckled. “I’m Shane, by the way.”

“Hm?” the other man asked, looking dazed.

“Shane. I thought you might want to know my name since I’m driving you.”

“Right.” He nodded, his eyes still looked a hundred miles away even in his relaxed frame. “I’m Ryan.”

“Where do you want to go?”

Ryan looked out the window, seeming to think for a moment, before he looked back at Shane with a level of intensity in his eyes that was completely at odds with the glazed look he had worn when he first got in the car.

“Anywhere.”

\-----

Shane took him to his home, and he couldn’t fight the tremor in his hand as he opened his door. “Didn’t think I’d be back here,” he said to himself.

Ryan looked at him somewhat strangely when he said that, but didn’t speak up. Instead he sat at the table, the air leaving him in a _whoosh_. “Thank you, Shane.”

Shane nodded and went to his closet, pulling out some clothes. He found an old t-shirt that the color had faded out of so long ago he wasn’t sure what it used to look like and a pair of sweatpants. He went back to the living room where Ryan was, but stopped before he went in, looking at the clothes. They weren’t much. Neither was his little house. A wave of inadequacy hit him, but he knew there wasn’t anything better in his closet.

He took a deep breath and stepped into the living room, only to be stopped short again. Ryan had taken off the jacket of the tuxedo and rolled the sleeves up of his button-up shirt. Without the tie and the top few buttons undone, he looked almost like a different person than had run towards him earlier. His entire demeanor was different as he looked over the movies on Shane’s shelves. “Respectable collection,” he said when he heard Shane come in, giving him a bright smile. Shane felt his heart lurch in his chest at the sight. 

“I’ve… uh... “ he held the clothes out. “Bathroom’s down the hall on the left,” he said softly.

Ryan looked down at the clothes and back up at Shane, smiling again. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He felt his cheeks grow warm at the soft expression on Ryan’s face. “I’ll… um… I’m going to start some dinner, you look like you could eat.”

\-----

Shane finished cooking the pasta, it was all he had in the pantry since he hadn’t been to the grocery store in some time, and went to find Ryan. He was on the couch in the living room, looking so strange in the clothes he had borrowed from Shane. The shirt and pants were too long, but the shirt clung to his biceps in a way that Shane made an effort not to look at. He looked up from where he was hunched over with his head in his hands, and Shane noticed how pale he looked. 

“Dinner,” he said softly, and Ryan gave a soft smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes before following Shane into the kitchen.

They sat in silence, the sounds of silverware clicking together and the soft pattering of rain on the roof making it less awkward and more companionable. After a little while, Ryan took a breath, as though steeling himself to say something. 

“I was supposed to get married.”

Shane looked up from his plate and saw the look in Ryan’s eyes. There was panic and anxiety written all over his face. But also, deeper down, something so out of place that Shane almost couldn’t identify it: relief.

“But?”

“But I realized…” he looked down, twirling his fork through the sauce. “I realized that I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t marry him.”

“Isn’t it a little late to decide that at the ceremony?” 

A grim smile crossed his features for a moment, and he was so heartbreakingly beautiful that Shane felt his heart clutch. 

“Probably. But that’s when it hit me. It was like the lenses finally fell away and I realized… ‘I can’t marry this man.’”

Shane nodded. “So you did the logical thing and took off across a field to a man sitting in a crappy old car.”

Ryan chuckled a little bit, looking back up at Shane. “Why did you take me, anyways? How did you know I wasn’t a serial killer or something?”

He shrugged, the corner of his lips turned up wryly. “Didn’t think you’d want to get blood on your tux. Besides, I didn’t have plans for the rest of the day anyways.”

Ryan’s face grew more solemn, and Shane couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. He was being studied closely, though, and it made him feel strange to be watched so closely. He looked down and took a drink of his water. “Well, do you have family you can go to?”

Ryan seemed to take the hint that it was time to change the subject. “I don’t know. They all wanted me to get married to this guy, and I’m afraid if I go to them then they’ll try and talk me into it.”

“Can’t you just say no?”

“I’m afraid they’ll succeed.” He got that faraway look in his eyes again, looking past Shane’s shoulder at something only he could see. “I can’t marry him. I can’t.” His voice was soft, so soft it almost blended in with the quiet sounds of rain falling outside. 

“You can…” Shane stopped, swallowing down the lump in his throat and rubbing his now sweaty hands against his jeans. “You can stay here. Until you figure out what you’re going to do.”

Ryan looked up at him, his lips open in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, what am I gonna do, turn you out in the rain?” He shrugged and stood, taking the plates to the sink. He started washing them when he felt Ryan stepping closer to him. He turned to see him take a kitchen towel off the counter. 

“You wash, I’ll dry?” he asked, smiling up at Shane. The stress from earlier seemed to have lessened, and his shoulders were relaxed making Shane realized how tense they had been all day. It seemed that, in knowing where he was going to lay his head that night, the entire world was looking a little brighter.

“Sounds good,” Shane answered quietly, his voice not completely working. 

They took a few minutes to wash the dishes, accompanied only by the rain outside and the running water and laughter when Ryan got bored because Shane took too long with a pot and wound up the towel to hit him in the leg. 

Shane hadn’t laughed like that in a long time.

After they finished, Ryan went out onto the covered porch. Shane followed him a little later with a bottle of wine and glasses. When he stepped out, he saw Ryan leaning forward against the railing, watching the rain falling and the darkening sky. He had that faraway look again, and Shane cleared his throat, causing Ryan to turn and look at him with a smile. 

“Oh, you brought out some good stuff?” he asked with a teasing smile. 

“If by ‘good stuff’ you mean something I bought a few months ago for twelve bucks at Walmart, then yeah, real good stuff.” He poured the wine and took pride in the deep laugh he got from Ryan. “What are you doing out here anyways?”

“I like the rain,” he said with a shrug. “It’s calming, I think.”

Shane looked out at the rolling storm, and saw it through Ryan’s eyes. There was something about seeing the chaos of the weather that made the chaos in himself seem a little less, even if just by comparison. He nodded and put the cork back in the wine bottle.

Ryan took his glass from Shane and then stood for a moment, leaning back against the railing. “What are we drinking to?”

“Do we have to drink to anything?” 

Ryan shrugged. “I was expecting to have heard a few toasts today.”

Shane looked out across the landscape at the falling rain and leaned next to the balcony next to Ryan so their elbows were brushing. “To going out and starting again,” he said softly, and for a moment he wasn’t sure Ryan heard him over the rainfall, but a look to his side at his bright smile informed him that he had been heard after all. 

They clicked their glasses together and drank, both of them gagging and spitting the drip back in their cups. 

“That was a mistake,” Shane said, chuckling.

“Yup.” Ryan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and Shane followed the movement with his eyes before forcing himself to look away and clearing his throat. 

“I may have some gin instead, if that’s alright?”

“I hate gin, but after today I don’t think I care.” 

Shane nodded and went back in, coming back later with the small bottle, handing it to Ryan.

He took it with a nod and took a sip. “That’s better.”

“I was gonna ask you what you wanted to mix it with. It’s good straight?”

“Nope.” He took another long swig. “But it’s strong, and that’s what I need after today.”

Shane nodded, leaning back against the railing where he had been earlier. “Understandable.” He definitely didn’t watch Ryan’s Adam’s apple move as he swallowed the alcohol, didn’t watch his muscles move beneath the tight shirt as he moved his arm to put the bottle against his lips, _definitely_ didn’t watch his lips.

That way lay madness.

They stood quietly for a moment, Shane feeling questions bubble up on his lips that he didn’t dare ask yet. He almost felt like Ryan was an injured animal, that if he were to ask too many questions or make any sudden moves then he would run away and get himself hurt. He took the bottle when Ryan offered it and took a sip of the bitter liquid. 

“I know you’ve got questions,” Ryan said, his voice mostly level but with some unidentified tremble in it. It sounded like fear, or anxiety. Whatever it was, Shane hated hearing it.

“You don’t have to. Not if you don’t want to. It’s none of my business.”

Ryan’s shoulder relaxed a little at that. “Well, I’ve got a question, if you don’t mind.”

“Go ahead.” He handed the bottle back.

“Why?”

Shane frowned. “Why what?”

“Why were you going to kill yourself?”

He looked down at his shoes, biting his lip. “I… I’ve been alone for so long, and everything just seemed like so much… too much… I just didn’t feel the need to keep on.” He shook his head and took a deep breath, feeling his lungs expand in his chest and clearing the cobwebs from his mind. He hadn’t shared this with anyone, and saying it to this man he barely knew felt… strange. He looked up when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. 

Ryan was looking at him with an intensity in his dark eyes he hadn’t expected. “I’m sorry.” 

Shane opened his mouth to answer, but his voice didn’t come out. He opted to nod instead. 

“Are you… alright?”

“I’m not going to do anything… rash, if that’s what you mean.” His voice was hoarse and he hated it, but Ryan nodded, smiling a little bit. 

He set the bottle down on the porch table and moved to stand in front of Shane. gazing up at him with his dark eyes fringed by thick lashes, Shane felt his heart skip a beat at how devastatingly handsome he looked. His hair was still mostly styled from the wedding, and the alcohol made his cheeks flush with color in the warm lighting. His hands rested on Shane’s shoulders and he used them to pull himself up, kissing Shane.

It was soft and slow, and Shane melted into the contact, his hands going to Ryan’s waist and pulling him in close. Ryan’s chest was warm against his own, and his hands were working their way under Shane’s shirt. Shane put his hands down, covering them. “Ryan,” he whispered. 

“I was looking forward to some really hot sex tonight,” Ryan practically growled in Shane’s ear.

“Ryan, you’re tipsy, and you’ve had a strange day, and we’ve only known each other a few hours.” He pulled Ryan’s hands up and held them between their chests. 

Ryan looked down at their entwined hands and back up at Shane, seeming to study him. 

“What is it?”

Ryan shook his head slowly, a small smile playing at his lips. “You’re just…” 

“Ridiculous?” Shane asked, his voice pitched to make it a joke but it didn’t quite work. 

“I was gonna say that you’re just… good.” 

Shane blushed at the compliment. “Come on, you need to go to bed. You can sleep in mine, I’ll take the couch.” He led Ryan inside, grabbing the bottle on his way. 

Ryan looked at the couch in the living room and chuckled. “That couch isn’t nearly long enough. I’ll sleep on it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He pulled him into the bedroom. “Lie down on your side. Don’t want you suffocating in the night.”

Ryan sat on the side of the bed but didn’t let go of Shane’s hand. “Stay?” He looked up pleadingly at Shane.

“I…” _bad idea. That way lies madness._ “Okay.” 

_Dumbass._

Shane extricated himself from Ryan’s grip and went to the kitchen after insisting to Ryan that he was only getting some painkillers and water. When he came back, Ryan was under the covers, blankets pulled up to his chin. 

“Sit up, Ryan.” He sat on the side of the bed and handed him the pills and water. “Take this. Drink up.”

Ryan did as he was asked before lying back down. “Thank you, Shane,” he said so softly that Shane almost thought he’d imagined it.

“It’s… it’s alright, Ryan.” He changed clothes in the bathroom and came back to settle under the covers next to Ryan. 

“I mean it. Thank you. If you hadn’t been there… I don’t know what I would have done.”

Shane rolled to face Ryan, and found that Ryan was facing him. “You would have figured something out, I’m sure,” he said noncommittally. 

“Just let me thank you,” Ryan said, his tone both amused and exasperated. 

“You’re welcome. Now go to sleep. Good night.” 

Ryan’s hand moved over to take Shane’s. “Good night.”

\-----

The next morning, Shane was fixing some breakfast when he heard a door open down the hall. He walked and saw Ryan standing in his office, looking at some of his paintings. He turned when he heard Shane walk in. “Sorry, I, uh…”

“It’s okay. I’m not much of a painter, I just thought, you know, maybe a hobby…” he trailed off, looking at the floor in embarrassment. 

“They’re good,” Ryan said softly, looking at the canvases. Shane blushed and looked up at them, trying to see them as though it were the first time. 

“You think so?”

“Yeah.” He smiled up at Shane. “You don't think so?”

Shane shrugged. “I guess I just see the flaws.” He looked at one of them, and forced himself to ignore the flaws, to see it through Ryan’s eyes. It wasn’t too bad, he supposed. Obviously done by an amateur, but still not terrible. 

Ryan stepped towards him and took his hand. “What’s that smell?”

“I started some breakfast. Come on, let’s eat.” He led Ryan towards the kitchen and finished cooking while Ryan sat at the table, looking out the window at the landscape. 

“It’s a lovely view.” 

Shane looked out the window at the view he had seen a hundred times before but never really appreciated. “Yeah. I guess it is.” He finished the eggs and served a plate to Ryan. “So I guess we should figure out what you’re going to do now,” he said in a level voice, working hard to keep any emotion out of it.

Ryan looked up from the plate and took in his tone and face. “I mean… I guess so. But…” he trailed off, breaking eye contact.

“What’s wrong?”

He shrugged. “I just… I don’t know where to go. I don’t have anywhere, really. And I… don’t really want to leave you.”

“Is this about what I said last night? Because I will be alright.”

“Will you? You said you’ve been alone.” He reached across the table and took Shane’s hand, shocking him into silence. “You don’t deserve to be alone, Shane.” There was a brightness in his eyes, and a determination in his face that Shane didn’t know how to react to. “I have money, I can get a job, I can help around the house. I’m just afraid of going back.”

Shane finally looked up from where Ryan held his hand tightly and nodded slowly. “Right. Okay. You can stay here.”

Ryan smiled brightly at that and stood quickly, leaning across the narrow table and kissing Shane on the cheek before sitting back down and starting to eat. Shane felt his jaw go slack at the kiss. Even after the night before on the porch, this felt… different. More intimate. He fought the urge to put his fingers to his cheek and see if he could still feel Ryan’s lips there. Instead he started eating his own food.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Ryan said eventually without any lead-in. “I shouldn’t have been all over you like that.”

Shane shrugged, not completely sure what to say. 

“I mean, I just… you’re probably the nicest man I’ve ever met, taking care of a stranger like this. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, or make you want me to leave.”

“I don’t,” Shane said quietly. “Want you to leave, that is. I just… no one has kissed me like that in… a long time.”

He felt Ryan’s heavy gaze on him, but didn’t have the guts to meet it. “It…” he swallowed, as though hoping it would push down his nerves. It didn’t. “It wasn’t bad. I just didn’t want to take advantage of you. If we… if I… I wouldn’t forgive myself.”

“You really are something special, aren’t you?”

Shane felt the warmth rise in his cheeks, and finally looked up at Ryan’s eyes. “Thanks, I think.”

He grinned. “Any time, big guy.”

“‘Big guy’?” 

“Yup.” He smiled even wider. “I mean, you are.” 

Shane smiled despite himself. “I guess so.”

\-----

The days passed and Shane’s small house saw more laughter than it had in a long time. Ryan slept in Shane’s bed, but Shane always kept space between them. Ryan never tried to kiss him again, at least, on the lips. Shane noticed every touch on the arm, every brush of their knees, every time Ryan kissed his cheek, and stored them all away in his memory with no good reason for it aside from he _wanted to._ Wanted to remember this when Ryan would inevitably be taken away from him. 

Ryan didn’t just bring laughter to Shane’s life. He also brought a fresh perspective. He seemed to find something beautiful in everything, and Shane found himself searching for it too. He even found it sometimes. There was one thing Ryan could never convince him was beautiful, though. 

“I’m serious,” Ryan laughed, curled up on the end of the couch with Shane on the other end, their feet between them in the middle cushion and tangled together. “You’re handsome! Why don’t you believe me?”

“Because I have eyes?” Shane shrugged. “I’ve made my peace with not being conventionally attractive years ago.”

“But you are! I mean, come on, don’t tell me you’ve never looked at yourself in the mirror and thought _damn, I look good_.”

“I’ve never done that.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Well, I think you look good.”

“Come on,” Shane chuckled, blushing under the sincerity in Ryan’s voice. 

“I mean it.” 

It had been a week since Ryan had started staying with Shane, and they settled into a routine. Most every night involved them sitting on the couch or the porch and just talking. The subjects of conversation varied, but they never ran out of them. 

Somehow that night, it came to Ryan’s insistence upon Shane’s attractiveness. Finally, Ryan leaned towards Shane on the couch and put his hand on the man’s knee. “Why don’t you believe it?”

Shane shrugged, eyes focused on Ryan’s hand instead of his face and the sincerity he knew he would find there. “I only see the flaws, I suppose.”

“I don’t.” 

His smaller hand moved up and gently rested on Shane’s cheek, and Shane held himself still under the touch. “Ryan?”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?” He felt a warm thumb trace over his cheekbone and fingers tangling in his hair. 

“I’m looking for flaws. Not seeing any.” He had moved towards Shane so that there was barely a few inches of space between their faces. 

Shane gulped and hoped it wasn’t audible. “Well, me either, for what it’s worth.”

Ryan smiled. “Thank you. But I’m being serious.”

“Me too.”

“Just let me compliment you, dammit.”

“What, and I can’t compliment you back?”

Ryan chuckled. “You know how I said I don’t want to make you uncomfortable?”

“Yeah?”

“Would it make you uncomfortable if I kissed you?”

Shane shook his head, and Ryan closed the distance between them, kissing him softly. 

It only lasted a moment, and Shane slowly opened his eyes afterwards to find Ryan looking at him. “Still not uncomfortable?”

“I just got kissed by a very attractive man, of course I’m not,” Shane laughed, but it sounded a little bit hysterical to his own ears.

Ryan didn’t seem to notice. “Good.” He ran his thumb across Shane’s cheekbone again, and Shane leaned into the touch. “I’ve been wanting to do that again for a while.”

Shane didn’t know how to respond to that, so instead he put his hand on Ryan’s free one, lifting it to his lips and kissing the knuckles gently. 

He smiled at that. “You’re so gentle,” he murmured before kissing him again just as carefully as before. Shane put his own free hand on the back of Ryan’s neck, holding his other hand in a firm grip. 

That night, Shane did allow himself to have sex with Ryan. It was slow and almost sweet, each of them carefully exploring one another’s bodies. It had been an embarrassingly long time since Shane had been with anyone, but Ryan didn’t seem too disappointed. 

After they finished, Ryan rested his head against Shane’s chest. He fell asleep easily, and Shane gently traced over the ugly marks on his back. They brought tears to his eyes, seeing the marks on Ryan’s skin. He looked at Ryan’s face, soft in sleep, and felt hatred. Who could hurt someone so… perfect? He was so sweet, and forced Shane to see things in a better light, and the fact that anyone could hurt him for that… Shane felt heat rise in his chest. 

He swore to himself as he fell asleep that he wouldn’t let anyone else hurt Ryan. 

\-----

They never talked about the dark marks on Ryan’s back. They did have sex a few more times, sometimes just as sweet as the first time, other times more hurried. One day, about a month into Ryan staying with him, he and Ryan drove to the beach. It was windy and clouds were rolling in, but no rain was falling yet. 

Ryan kissed him sweetly, their hair blown askew in the wind with the sun setting in the distance over the water. They had the beach to themselves due to the incoming storms, and Shane had brought a blanket to set out for a picnic. 

He had a plan. He was going to ask Ryan to stay with him. They could move somewhere into the city, or stay in Shane’s little house, he didn’t care. He just wanted Ryan to stay close to him. 

He stepped back from Ryan’s kiss to fetch the blanket -

A loud noise and sharp pain -

Another noise and Ryan’s scream -

Shane worked to open his eyes and saw Ryan, lying on his back blood pooling on his stomach -

He opened his eyes again to see the man he had seen chasing Ryan that day back when they first met, the man he was going to marry, and he felt hatred so blinding his vision went red -

He opened his eyes to see that the man had left and he worked against every instinct in his body to crawl towards Ryan, ignoring the pain in his own stomach, and he took Ryan’s hand _still warm thank Heaven_ and saw Ryan’s eyes opening and closing slowly -

\-----

Shane woke up to a steady beeping. He opened his eyes slowly and saw the white room, felt the roughness of a hospital gown. “What…” his voice was unsteady and his mouth felt like it was full of cotton. He couldn’t quite feel his abdomen, and his head had the grogginess of being unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time. 

“Ryan!” 

A kind face appeared in his vision, a nurse that was trying to calm him down.

Shane tried to sit up, but the pain coursed through his veins again. He fell back against the pillows. He couldn’t hear the nurse’s voice over his own racing heart. 

“Where is he?”

He didn’t hear the answer before sleep began to reclaim him. He did look to his side to see an empty bed.

\-----

Shane sat in a wheelchair, looking out of a window, thinking about how much Ryan would like it. It had been three days since he and Ryan had been shot by Ryan’s ex. He had been found dead by police just a mile away from them. Suicide. 

Shane wondered if he saved Ryan that day, back where they started in that field. It seemed more like Ryan saved him. 

He remembered Ryan looking up at him that night. How hard it was to say no. How glad he was that he did.

He remembered Ryan. Funny, kind, beautiful. He felt hands settle on his shoulders. “What are you thinking about, big guy?”

He turned to see Ryan standing behind him, still pale, but his smile was back. 

Shane reached up for Ryan’s arm, pulling him down into a soft kiss. 

Ryan pulled back, still smiling at Shane. “Me too. Come on, I got you signed out. Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this! As soon as I watched the video, I wanted to write something based on it, so here you have it.
> 
> If you're here for the spoilers: Shane is attempting suicide when we meet him, but he doesn't go through with it. Ryan had been abused by a past relationship. They get shot by Ryan's abusive ex (who commits suicide but this is mentioned only briefly, and the actual shooting is not gone over in detail) 
> 
> If you read this and enjoyed it, please let me know! Also, be sure to check out the other works in this series!


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